If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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