how can u be prego again
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
