i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
