She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
