so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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