dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
