FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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