it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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