just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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