Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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