sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Randomize
