hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
