He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Found the puke drawer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
