I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
