Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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