She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
