if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
