I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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