just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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