whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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