last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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