He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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