Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this boner is exhausting
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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