My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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