Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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