I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish there were birth control emojis
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
