Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
