How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
