I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
