I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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