And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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