Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
