Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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