it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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