If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
