right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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