no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
