My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
