I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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