were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
True strength comes from lack of pants
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
