What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
