it wasn't lemon gatorade
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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