Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
