We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
