p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
