Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
