Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
