We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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