apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
