how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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