decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
