I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
