Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
