I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
